I'm back!

Gotta get my blog in today. I'm not going to let it be the reason why I don't win this month. I have had a very long week with more house guests than anyone would expect. The last of them leave tomorrow. We got through the funeral. It was so emotional and draining. I hosted 10 house guests plus my family of 9 (We have 4 bedrooms and 1 bathroom in our home that are functioning). I am worn out. It kind of blew my exercising for the week. I really couldn't fit in one more thing. But I did awesome on my eating, still. Turned down junk; turned down sugar; turned down everything that wasn't clean. Even in the midst of 20 people, I was able to make my own and eat what I needed to.
So I did great on eating until today....for old time's sake, my dad took me to a car-hop that he went to growing up, and I went to growing up. He is flying home to Alaska tomorrow and wanted to head to get a fresh-lime and a burger from "Peach City" for old times. I couldn't resist and I tried to get something good on the menu...but they have been there since the 1930's, and everything is pretty much burgers and fries, not even a salad on the menu board. So that started it....and then...I got an offer not to refuse...and probably will never happen again. I got to go to a Utah Jazz game with my hubby, with VIP treatment....and no, not VIP treatment from him. We had VIP passes. They included a lovely dinner with fantabulous food, and a wonderful assortment of desserts. Then off to watch the game from row 20 (so close). Then back to the VIP room for popcorn and nachos. The Jazz won! The night was great! And I enjoyed myself. Like I said, the chances of ever having VIP passes again is next to never. So only one day blown. Not bad, I must say.
Well, as of tomorrow, I will be back to a little more normal. It was nice to see all of my family, but they really threw off my groove.
Thank you for all of your kind words and condolences for the loss of my cousin. He will be greatly missed.

Today has been hard...

I'm an emotional eater. And today has been very emotional. My cousin died very unexpectedly this morning. He had a blood clot in his lungs. He is 31 and leaves a wife and 3 little daughters. I have been so emotional with this that I really wanted some of my favorite comfort foods. Okay, maybe not just some, a lot of my favorite comfort foods. So I did the best thing I could justify. I grabbed my jar of almond butter and a spoon lol (really only ate a little...and it wasn't the same as sugary peanut butter). But I tried. He was one of the best people I know, the kind that would always make laughter fill a room and drop anything he was doing to help someone, even if it meant driving 6 hours to help them.
So tonight I am not really up to blogging. I think I will go sleep instead of eat.

I Love Junk Food!

I wanted to eat some junk today really bad. I am currently surrounded by candy bars, cupcakes, valentine's cookies, and supersized pretzels with cheese sauce. I even know where a good size stash of Reese's peanut butter cups are (good thing they're not the big cup, because those I can't refuse). So, like I said, I wanted to eat some....but I didn't. I didn't do it. I didn't even find something to substitute in for the craving. I simply chose not to eat. I am trying really hard this week to eat during my set hours of eating. I even brushed my teeth right after dinner so I wouldn't want to eat anything else.

Snacking is my major weakness. I can snack on good or bad food. That makes no difference. I have decided that I really enjoy the process of eating. I just do. So I am finding that since I'm not eating all the time, I have a little time on my hands. Well, not a ton, because I am always busy. But I am finding that I have idle time that I would usually be eating. During these little bits of time, it is very hard for me to not choose to eat. So I am going to have to start to fill that time with something so I'm not just sitting in my kitchen staring at what I would like to eat. I could easily fill it with more laundry, or cleaning...then I would have a shiny clean home. But I don't think that will work. I think that I need to fill the time with something that brings me enjoyment so that I can like it as much as I like eating....sorry just rambling on here.

I'm already starting to get nervous about where everyone will be at for the next weigh in...and there is still soooooooo much time left. But I just don't know where I'm at compared to the rest of you, and that is hard. I read your blogs of your success, and then I panic.....what if I'm not doing enough?

So not fair!

Oh to blog....So I took a couple of days off...because I was frustrated and mad! So I worked really hard last week -- really hard. I exercised and exercised and ate well and worked really hard. Probably my hardest week. But my body didn't seem to care that I added the exercise in, except that I was sore all over. My body decided not to shed any pounds. I was so sad. What torture. Really hard to see the scale not go down. I lost so much with no exercise, so it makes it really hard to believe that the exercise will be worth it. But I am not going to give up. I took a couple of days off. I had a nice Valentines. I even ate some chocolate (What can I say? I was mad and worked hard, and it hadn't paid off. So what would the chocolate hurt? :)) <- smiley face with double chin.)

First thing this morning I am back on going strong. I am heading forward with more force than before. Apparently making me mad makes me want it more! I still plan to win! I still plan to exercise! I still plan to eat clean. I upped it a notch this week even more strict than before! I am still going to have the body of my dreams! I'm here going strong with more will power than before.

As for the challenge this week...well lets say I might be able to argue that my posture problems are worse than my weight problems. My hunchback is worse than the pictures Karilynn posted. Now you all are picturing me like a camel with a hump on my back. But seriously, all kidding a side, I have terrible posture. It is very painful to hold my sternum up and my shoulders back. Has been an issue for years. I even bought a special brace several years ago to wear. That helped for a short while, but then the brace hurt so bad to wear, I gave it up. I will try my best to work on my posture this week. I know it looks so nice when my posture is good. I just don't know that I can fix years and years of damage there. I guess I'm trying to fix years and years of damage on my weight, so all things are possible.

I am still trying to finish my list of excuses...I think I've got them...
1. I'm too tired.
2. I want it to come off overnight.
3. I'm not that fat. It could be worse.
4. But...I LOVE food!
5. I don't have the time.
6. Rationalization.
7. Food makes me feel better.
8. I've always eaten this much...it didn't effect me when I was younger.
9. Exercising hurts!

Well, there they are...and I'm trying hard to ignore them so I can keep moving forward! I have become too content with the way I am. But I really am not happy in this body! I want to feel GREAT! I want to look GREAT! I want to be GREAT! I know I sound snobby, but seriously, don't we all want to look good and feel good?

Last thing FYI, as for now, I am not going to update my ticker for a couple of weeks. I'm going to wait and let us all be surprised. I don't know yet if I will wait until the weigh in or do it before...but for now, we wait. I can't bare getting on the scale again and it not going down...Let the pounds fall off. I'm off to work out. I already did my short program this morning. Now for the really HARD and PAINFUL longer workout.

Excuse #2

So I have been thinking, thinking, thinking. I would have to say that the next excuse that I have is...

2. I want the weight to come off over night. I really don't want to have to focus and work on it. That takes time and can be challenging. So over the years I have looked for many fast fixes. I guess by now I have realized they don't really exist. I have lost weight here and there...and I have always managed to put it back on. I want to go to bed one night and wake up the next morning smaller. Is that too much to ask? So if it can't come off over night then I can't lose anything...it's too hard to work at. There's the excuse "it takes too long."

So I am trying to decide how often I want to weigh myself. I am undecided I am considering, every day, once a week, twice a month, or once a month. I see pros and cons to all of them. So as it stands right now I have not updated my ticker since the BIG WEIGH IN.

It is so nice to be back on track with the blogging. Makes me feel really good inside. I look forward to sitting down at night and writing my thoughts down once the kids are in bed and all is quiet.

My sweet daughter got to be the devils advocate today... She was eating Valentine's Conversation hearts, and she picked out some special ones just for me. So sweet of her. They said "You're #1" "Love you" "You're the Best." I wasn't planning on eating them.I said thank you and tucked them away....until she laid it on thick..."It's not like one will hurt you....They're not going to make you fat....I picked them just for you....Pleeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeee...But mom I love you...." So I ate my 3 little hearts so she knew I loved her back. Just bummed because if I was going to break and eat sugar...I would not have picked conversation hearts.

Well off to do my "slim in 6". Then on to another day.....

Excuse #1

Here I sit and wonder how in the world am I going to do my "Slim in 6" program tonight. I am slowly dieing. I'm sure of it. It's going to be a slow painful death. Translation...I HURT EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!! Seriously, my 3 whole days of exercise has done me in. My abs are so sore that it hurt like crazy when I had a little coughing fit today. I really want to curl up in a fetal position and go to sleep for the night...but curling up hurts because my butt and legs hurt. I think that running the bleachers at the rec center is what did me in. I just keep telling myself over and over in my mind...IT WILL BE WORTH IT! IT WILL BE WORTH IT! I WANNA WIN! I WANNA WIN! KEEP GOING! And I continue to push myself forward to endure to the end.
I was so proud of myself last night. I had every reason in the world to not do my "Slim in 6." To start with, I had already exercised that morning. But I got my running shoes on and got my resistance bands out and my water...and 47 minutes later I was sweating like crazy. I DID IT!
Well, I decided that I would treat myself to my own Valentine's Day present. I bought the new Tosca Reno cookbook and her Revised Eat Clean Diet book. I am so stoked. I can't wait to have a few minutes to look them over.
So I think the only way I am going to write up my excuse list is to do it a little at a time. I have too many excuses, so the task at the moment is a little overwhelming. Here is a start: 1. I'm tired! All of the time. I suffer with chronic fatigue, and I can't ever seem to get enough sleep.

Thanks for everyone's support! I love reading what you're doing and what drives you.

I'm on fire!!!!

So if you missed it....yesterday I posted what I want to achieve...ok not totally true. I wrote it yesterday and forgot to post it. When I posted it today, it posted with yesterday's time. So if you missed it, read my post before this -- if you're interested.

Today is so AWESOME and I feel great! Of course I am doing great on the clean eating. And now that I am blogging again, I am 100% focused on what I am eating. But the best part about everything is I am so motivated to go for 1st place this month. 3rd was great, but it wasn't 1st.
I did the unthinkable! I exercised! Last night I did a fantastic work out, "Slim in 6." Then, this morning I was so on fire that while waiting for my daughter at the skating rink, I ran the bleachers. Yikes! That was kind of killer. Then, to top it off, I did the "30 day shred" workout this morning. Now, tonight, I have to do my "Slim in 6" workout still, and then start again tomorrow. I know you're thinking "What the..." Well, as the pounds start melting away, and I get smaller and smaller, you can blame Debbie. See, to check out the video, I went and did the "30 day Shred" with her. But I committed myself to the "Slim in 6," so I have to do it. I HAVE TO DO IT! Even though I already worked out today, I have not done the program I committed to doing each day. So I have to do it, "finish what you start." I don't intend to do that much exercise everyday, but who knows. I am so stoked.
I did one more unthinkable thing! I ate Tofu! Yep. I know to some, it's not so out there. To me...instant gag reflex. But I actually think I like what I made. Granted, no one would ever know there was tofu in it. I made the Tofu Chocolate Mousse in Tosca Reno's cookbook. So healthy and a great treat. I am not a huge chocolate lover though, so I think I might try to experiment with it and make a different flavor. It's mostly made of tofu, there's no sugar in it unless you choose to use bad chocolate. SO maybe I will be brave and try tofu in something else.
I haven't made my list of excuses yet for this weeks challenge. Mostly haven't done it because I am too busy making excuses of why I can't make the list of excuses. lol
Keep going strong everyone!!!

I want to Achieve!!!

I've been trying to focus on this weeks challenge today. So I'm going to blog the first section.
What I want to achieve...
1. I will look so good that I make people's heads turn. (their heads already turn, because I walk by with 7 kids)
2. I will be successful in making a life style change.
3. I will feel healthy, beautiful and strong.
4. I will be in excellent health.
5. I will be able to reach my ideal weight and stay there.
6. I will teach my children by example the importance of taking care of yourself.
7. I will (as Karilyn says) "Finish what I start".
8. I will make exercise part of my life.

I'm still making excuses to come up with the list of excuses...lol

I've learned a few things...

Things I've learned...

1. Being in the winners circle is fantastic! What an awesome thing to achieve. Really
makes a person feel good about themselves. I really am so happy that I made it in the top 4. The only thing that could have been better would be to have WON! Next time.

2. Writing about it means more than one knows. I was thinking about what might have made the difference. I did best when I was very consistently blogging everything. I worked harder at my clean eating when I talked about it. I had more positive energy when I was writing about it. Taking 10 minutes to write my thoughts, feelings, and actions kept my focus strong.

3. When life gets busy....I slack! K I didn't actually do awful, but I did worse the busier I got. Still made good choices in my diet but not the best. Sometimes convenience overpowers health. Let me clarify: it wasn't like I was eating microwave TV dinners and donuts but instant white rice instead of 30 minutes to cook brown. Or I would eat regular pasta instead of quinoa. I still tried hard to keep within clean eating for the most part.

4. Saying "no" to the foods you love is always a challenge. I must pride myself on the ability to pass up the things I love because right now I am doing it. It gets harder every day. Having gone 1 month without a Reese's Big Cup is killing me: I want one so BAD! But I know that if I eat one right now, I will eat 15 more before I stop. So I must contain myself. I also have noticed how hard it is to fix food for my family and other people, and not snack on or sample it. My best fix for this is right before I start cooking I put gum in my mouth. Then I seem to not try everything.

5. Thinking yourself skinny will work. I know: silly. But I believe that when I try hard to think skinny, I have so much more will power. It motivates me to become something. I act skinny, and by acting skinny, I eat less and keep moving throughout my day. I also have better posture when I think skinny.

6. Exercise! Need I say more. By now I must come to grips with reality. Exercise WILL help me. So I know that I could have lost more, and I could have done better. I only exercised 1 day out of the whole 1st month of the competition, and I managed to lose 14.6 pounds (must have been a killer work out j/k). So I know I could have done better. I could have lost more. I NEED TO EXERCISE.

Well, I wanted to share somethings I have learned. I am taking what I have learned, picking up and applying it to this month. I truly am proud of the loss that I have accomplished, and it gives me all the more drive to push forward.

OH YEAH!!!!

I am so blown away! I kept weighing myself...I did it, I did it, I did it! I am soooooo happy with my weigh in this morning. I almost can't believe my eyes. I haven't gotten my "after pics taken yet" but I just couldn't contain my excitement and had to post the weight loss pic. So here it is



Next time I will remember to turn the flash off. The white floor with the white paper and white scale, really bleaches the picture.(I am not so good with the camera I will figure out how to turn off the flash eventually) But no matter how you look at it. It says 164.4!!!!! Yippy!

Like Christmas!

Can I just say I am giddy and nervous and excited all the same time. Like a kid at Christmas I just can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring. I am really very excited to see what happens. I am completely totally happy with the progress I made this month! It was a great start. Rather I win any $ or not, I DID IT! I WAS SUCCESSFUL! I HAVE LOST WEIGHT! and that is all I needed for me to feel like I have won. But either way....I am so nervous.....and excited.

I wish that I was one the lost weight when I was stressed....but I am a stress eater. So I have a very busy week this week, and am feeling the stress. Which means it is taking everything in me not to bust out a package of candy bars, and break out the ice cream, along with freshly made cookie dough. My stress will eventually pass, but until then it is so hard.

Lets keep moving forward! February is going to be AWESOME!

I am actually blogging...

Okay, so it is time to pick up the pace and get back on the road to success. No more time off from blogging, and it doesn't matter how tired I am. I NEED to blog. I need to talk about the life changes I am trying to make. I am so much more focused when I do this. So here I am back on track. I am still eating well, but I am getting a little lazy at making sure that I have my carbs, and proteins, and that I'm getting 6 little meals a day. The other thing is that since I've been so busy, I haven't been faithfully reading your blogs everyday, and I have missed the power and motivation that is provided through this. It is interesting how quickly we mom's forget to do the things we need to, to take care of ourselves. You would think that through the years I would realize how much more happy I am and how much smoother things go with my family when I take care of me. It's almost like I need to write in on my planner and block off a big section that says "MOM TIME".
So this week, I can notice a difference in my weight loss. My face looks better, and I was able to squeeze into a size 12 pant (down from 14). It is truly amazing at how great a few pounds lost can do for a person.
I am getting nervous about the big weigh-in on Friday. I can't wait to see how we all do. Let's keep moving forward!